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Feel free to use these journal prompts in whatever way is most beneficial to you. I recommend free writing without any editing. Allow your thoughts and emotions to flow. I have recommended some daily journal prompts. However, the rest of the prompts are categorized. Take as much time as you need to work through the prompts that are applicable to you and your story. Note that some questions may not be applicable to your situation so just skip over these as needed. You can either work straight through the prompts that are applicable to you or you can bounce around to what prompt you’re feeling drawn to that day. Some days you may only be able to answer one question while other days you may be able to answer a few questions due to timing or emotions that come up. Give yourself grace during this process. Grief can be very confusing and complicated. Even if it takes you several days or weeks to process a question, that is ok. I will tell you that some of these questions I’m still working on answering myself, and some questions we may never fully have the answers to. I pray that these journal prompts will be helpful to you as journaling can be a powerful tool in working through and processing your grief.
Daily Journal Prompts:
Write about your day. What happened? Was there anything specifically that was triggering today?
Write three words that describe how you are feeling today.
Is there anything bothering you today? If so, how are those feelings affecting you? Describe how they make you feel physically and mentally. Sometimes it can be helpful to identify negative feelings and be mindful of them.
What prayers do you have today? Don’t forget to include things you are thankful for. Being grateful can be so hard during dark times but there are always reasons to be grateful even if it’s something as simple as a quiet minute to yourself, a glass of water, or someone smiling at you while you run errands.
A Bible verse of the day and your meditation/reflection on the verse. If you need help finding a verse of the day I recommend the Bible App by Youversion which gives a short devotional with each daily verse too.
Your story:
Have you always wanted to be a mom? When did you first realize you wanted to be a mom? Why did/do you want to be a mom?
What does being a mom mean to you? What mothers in your life do you look up to?
Has your partner always wanted to be a parent as well? What qualities do they have that you think will make them a good parent? Had you previously talked about having kids?
Do you have other children? Have you experienced previous losses? Write about your previous birth stories or previous losses.
Pregnancy & Preparation:
Was your pregnancy planned or unexpected? Had you been trying for a while or did it happen quickly? What was your experience like trying to conceive if you were trying?
How did you know or find out you were pregnant? How did you react when you found out? What were you feeling physically and mentally? What kind of thoughts were going through your mind?
How did you tell your partner? How did they react? Did they react how you expected they would?
Do you have other children or family members that you told about the pregnancy? When did you decide to tell them? How did they react? Were their reactions what you expected?
Did you have a doctor's appointment to confirm your pregnancy? What was done at this doctor's appointment? Did you have blood work done? An ultrasound? How did that first appointment feel? What kinds of things were going through your mind?
Did you share your pregnancy news with anyone else? When did you tell them? How did they react? Were their reactions what you expected?
Is there anyone you wish you would have told you were pregnant? Why didn’t you tell them? How would you have liked to share your news? How would you have liked them to respond?
How did people's reactions to your pregnancy make you feel?
If you’ve had other pregnancies, how was this pregnancy similar to previous pregnancies? How was it different?
Did anything change in your life (or even just feel like it changed) once you found out you were pregnant?
What were your thoughts and feelings about becoming a mother? Did these thoughts and feelings change from how you felt prior to becoming pregnant?
What were you looking forward to in becoming a mother? Were there things you were excited to do? Or maybe things you were excited to see?
What did you imagine about this baby? Did you dream about what they would look like? What gender of the baby was? Personality traits they might have?
How did you feel physically during your pregnancy? Did anything change with your body?
How did you feel emotionally during your pregnancy? Did anything change with your emotions?
Did you do anything to start preparing your home for the baby? Did you dream about what the nursery would look like? Had you made any purchases or received any gifts?
Did you have names picked out? Did the names have any significance or special meaning to you and/or your partner?
If you had experienced previous pregnancy losses, what did you do differently with this pregnancy? How did you prepare yourself physically and mentally for this pregnancy? Describe how this experience was for you and any thoughts or feelings you had.
The loss:
When did you start to suspect you were experiencing a miscarriage or find out you lost your baby? Did you have a feeling or did you find out unexpectedly at an appointment/ultrasound? Did you have any symptoms? What did you do when you started to experience symptoms?
Openly write about the day you lost your baby. What was happening that day? What time of day was it? What sticks out to you from that day? What had you been doing just before you found out? What had you had planned for the rest of the day?
How did you find out you lost your baby? Where were you? Did you go to the doctor or were you at home? Was there anyone with you? What was your reaction when you found out you had lost your baby?
Did you have to deliver your baby naturally or was a D&C performed? Do you wish this would have been done differently? Write about this experience.
If a doctor was involved, what did the doctor say to you? What did they tell you about miscarriages or pregnancy loss? How did they respond? What options did they give you? How did they make you feel in that moment? Did you have to schedule other appointments or follow up (blood work, ultrasound, D&C, further follow ups)
What did the rest of your day look like after you found out? Did you cancel your plans? Did you tell anyone? What do you remember feeling physically?
How did your partner take the news? What was their reaction? Did they react how you expected? How did your family/friends take the news? What was their reaction? Did they react how you expected?
If you have other children that you told, how did they take the news? What was their reaction? What were you feeling when they found out?
What did the next 24 hours look like for you? What did you do? How did you feel mentally and physically? Who were you with? Where were you?
If you shared your miscarriage or pregnancy loss with friends or on social media, how did you tell them? How did people respond? How did their responses make you feel? Are you glad you shared your loss with them? If you didn’t share your loss, Do you wish you would have shared your loss? If you didn’t share your pregnancy prior to the loss do you wish you would have?
How did the next few weeks go for you after your loss? How did you handle your grief? Were there people around you who supported you? Did life have to continue as usual? Did you get some time off? Were you able to cope with your grief on a daily basis?
What did your partner’s next few weeks look like? How did they handle their grief? Were there people around who supported them? Did life have to continue as usual for them? Did they take some time off? Were they able to cope with their grief? How close did you feel to them during this time? Did your intimacy grow? Did you grow apart?
If you have living children, Do you think having living children made the miscarriage more or less difficult for you? Why?
Having a misccarriage/pregnancy loss can be traumatizing. Are there any parts of your story that you feel traumatized by? How have you dealt with that trauma? Were you given information on how to process this trauma?
Your baby’s memory
Did you do anything in memory of your baby? A memento or a ritual? Was this helpful for you? If you haven’t you still can. Brainstorm some ways you can remember or honor your little one.
Did you name your baby? If so, why did you pick that name? If not, why? Did you tell people your baby’s name?
Are there things that remind you of your baby? Maybe a song, image, or place? Why does that remind you of your baby?
What are you most sad about missing with your baby? Describe the absence in your home, your heart, and your vision for your family’s future.
If you could tell your baby one thing, what would it be? What would you say to your baby? Free write a letter to your baby.
If you could have experienced one thing with your baby, what would it have been and why? Write about what you envisioned this experience to look like.
Did you have any type of memorial service or funeral for your baby? Write about this experience. Where was it? Who was there? How did you feel? What stood out to you the most?
Faith
How did your miscarriage or pregnancy loss affect your faith? Did you draw closer to God or pull away from him? How do you feel toward God now?
What beliefs do you have about God after the miscarriage or pregnancy loss?
Have you taken the time to pray and talk to God about all of the hard parts of your miscarriage or pregnancy loss, even if there are so many parts you don’t understand and are confused about? I encourage you to take the time to talk to God about everything. He is always with you and is always listening. He can handle the hard things you want to say to him.
Do you have any unanswered questions that you wish God would answer? What would it mean to you to have these questions answered? Can you accept if these questions are never answered?
Have you found any Bible verses, Bible studies, or devotionals that have been helpful for you? How have these things helped you? (If you are looking for some please refer to the resource list!)
What do you think God would say to you about your loss?
Do you think God understands your pain and loss? Why or why not? I encourage you to take the time to talk to God about everything. He is always with you and is always listening. He can handle the hard things you want to say to him.
Did you or are you having a crisis of faith after experiencing your loss? Write about this crisis. Where do you want to be with your faith? How can you make small steps to get there?
Do you think about where your baby is? I highly encourage reading the book “I’ll see you in Heaven” by Jack Hayford. What do you think happened to your baby?
What do you wish you knew about Heaven?
Do you think you will see them some day? If you think you will see your baby again some day, write about what you think this day will be like. Write about what you think Heaven will be like with your baby. Write about what you hope your baby will be like. Write about what you would want your baby to say to you.
Support, Companioning and Care
Were you surrounded by people who supported you and helped you make the best decision for you and your baby and family? What would you like to tell them?
If you were not surrounded by supportive people how did that make you feel?
If you told people about your loss how did they respond to your loss? Were they supportive? Did you receive any gifts, meals or messages of condolences? Did you feel taken care of? How did their responses make you feel?
Do you ever feel alone in your grief? Why or why not? How does this feel?
What are the ways of grieving you feel society expects of you?
What are some of the hurtful or triggering things people said after your miscarriage or pregnancy loss? How did you respond to these words? How do you wish you could have responded to these things?
What are some of the helpful things people said or did after your miscarriage or pregnancy loss? How did these things make you feel?
Were there any support groups or companioning programs that you reached out to for support after your loss? Were there any online resources you found helpful after your loss? Why were these things helpful?
Do you wish there would have been a support group you joined? Why or why not?
Did anyone come forward and share with you that they had also experienced a miscarriage or pregnancy loss in their past? How did they make you feel? Were you surprised? Did they have any useful advice? How was their response different to other people’s responses to your miscarriage or pregnancy loss?
Have you sought out professional help or counseling after your loss? What was helpful during this time? If you are still in counseling write a bit about what you are working on right now and things you would like to work on. Maybe you’d like to discuss one of these journal prompts with your counselor.
When you are having a very hard day, week or month, what do you wish others would understand?
What would you like other people to do to honor your baby? How would this make you feel?
Pick a common well-meaning platitude (God doesn't give us more than we can handle, Your child is in a better place, God gives special children to special parents, God needed another angel, Time heals all wounds , etc.) someone has said to you. Do you believe that is true? Why/why not?
Did you receive medical support during/after your loss? Were you happy with the responses from your medical team? Do you feel like you were cared for appropriately? Do you feel like they gave you the information and education you needed? If you had a poor experience with a provider, take some time to write about that experience and how it made you feel. What do you wish they would have done differently?
Do you believe you struggled with any postpartum complications (ex: postpartum depression, anxiety or otherwise). Even if this was not officially diagnosed by a professional. Why or why not? Did you experience any medical complications after your loss? What happened? Write about this experience.
Were you able to find out the reason for your miscarriage or pregnancy loss? If you were, write a little bit about the results. (Oftentimes this is not always possible or there aren’t any answers which can be really discouraging). Do you wish you would’ve been able to find out what happened? Do you have a story that you tell yourself of what you believed might have happened? What is the likelihood that this is what really happened? Many women blame themselves or wish they would’ve done something differently after a miscarriage. But, there may be no apparent reason for why you lost your baby, how does that make you feel?
Life After
Have you given yourself time to grieve? Why or why not? What did you do during this time you allowed yourself to grieve? It’s never too late to take the time.
What are your biggest emotions right now? What do these emotions make you feel?
Have you been taking care of yourself? Physically, mentally and emotionally? Identify the physical, emotional and spiritual needs you have right now.
What has been the most confusing thing about your grief?
Are you able to find joy yet? What are the things that continue to give you joy?
How has your relationship with yourself changed?
Do you speak openly about your loss? Why or why not?
Do you have any new fears or worries after experiencing your loss?
What emotions have been overwhelming through your grief?
How long has it been since your miscarriage or pregnancy loss? How far along were you? How has your grief changed over time? Oftentimes grief never goes away, it just changes and we learn to live with it.
Are you doing anything unhealthy in response to grief or are you tempted to?
How are you feeling now? If you are still allowing yourself time to grieve, how does it feel to be in that time? Do you wonder if your grief is normal? Have you thought about grief counseling? There are grief assessments that can be done to gauge if you are experiencing complicated grief from your loss. Please note that miscarriage grief can be very complicated due to a variety of factors and there is no shame in needing some professional help.
What are some things you can do to take care of yourself today, tomorrow, or over the next week? What self care things do you enjoy? Write as many things as you can think of (Big or small!) Try to schedule some of these self care items into your days!
What things triggered you after your loss? Are there still things that trigger you? Write a bit about these things and how they make you feel.
Do you feel guilty for having a miscarriage or pregnancy loss? Do you wonder if you did something wrong or could have done something different? Do you feel ashamed of your loss? Have you shared this with anyone? Why or why not?
Do you feel like you need to hide your loss from people or not talk about it? Why or why not?
What has your intimacy been like with your partner since your loss? Has it changed? Are there parts of your intimacy that are difficult now? How would you like your intimacy to be? Consider talking to your partner about this.
How has your relationship been with your partner since your loss? Has it changed?
Have you struggled with any negative body image feelings since the loss? Why?
Do you think you will try to get pregnant again after your loss? Will you try right away or take some time off? If you’ve already started trying again, how has trying felt this time?
Is there anything weighing on your mind for future pregnancies? Do you fear having another loss? How could you cope ahead to prepare yourself for a future pregnancy or another loss knowing what you know now about miscarriage or pregnancy loss?
If you got pregnant after your miscarriage or pregnancy loss, how did it feel? What thoughts and emotions were going through your head?
How has this loss affected your friendships and relationships?
How has this loss affected your job?
How has this loss affected your outlook on the future and your dreams?
How has this loss affected your understanding of other people's grief and loss?
What have you learned about yourself through this journey?
Do you celebrate or have a memorial or reflection on special dates (ex: due date or date of loss)? What do you do in remembrance of your baby? How do you feel when this date comes around?
How do you feel when Mother’s day or other holidays come around? What do these days mean to you?
Have you been able to share your miscarriage or pregnancy loss and story with other bereaved parents? How did this make you feel?
What advice would you give someone who recently experienced a miscarriage or pregnancy loss if they asked?
What advice would you have given yourself before you experienced your loss? After you experienced your loss? During the grieving time?
Write a letter to yourself to open a year from now. How do you hope you feel and are doing? How do you want to feel and be? What do you want your relationships to look like? What do you want to remind yourself of? Put a reminder in your phone to open the letter in one year.
How can you use your grief journey to help others?
Other forms of expression of grief:
If you are looking for other ways to express your grief here is a list of some ideas. This list is not extensive and there are so many more ways to process grief. Find what works best for you.
Write a song
Listen to music/songs
Paint/draw/create artwork
Find artwork, Bible verses or phrases that are meaningful to you
Exercise/movement (Ex: running, yoga, dancing, lifting, really whatever helps you)
Create a momento for your lost one (there are so many things you could create, for my first loss we created a christmas tree ornament, for my second loss I was gifted a charm bracelet in memory of my little ones, I also created a necklace for miscarriage remembrance and we painted rocks for our babies)
Perform a ritual that would honor your lost one (ex: lighting a candle, putting out a bouquet of flowers, honoring special and hard anniversaries like what would have been the due date for your baby and the date of your loss)
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